A Ripped Soul

I miss the sweat.

I miss the chalk.

I even miss the blood and tears.

I miss the noises.

The shouts of coaches, the cheers of teammates.

The chatter of little girls, the thuds and creaks of equipment.

I miss the smell.

That peculiar combination

That can be found in one place.

The strange mix of chalk and sweat

That never gets blown away by the air conditioner.

I miss the pain.

Feeling like my limbs are on fire.

Wishing my hands would fall off.

The stinging brought on by sudden loss of skin.

The bruises and rug burns of a thousand falls.

I miss the fear.

The moment of telling myself to let go.

That moment in the corner where all my fears rise up

And try to choke me.

Yes, even that split second of terror as my narrow solid surface 

Disappears from under my feet.

I miss the joy.

The time with my team talking by the chalk bowl.

The relief I feel after a long day of school.

The moment when I realize we're conditioning ourselves.

The feeling of being part of a team.

 I miss the satisfaction.

The knowledge that however much pain I'm in, it's worth it.

The sound of my feet hitting the narrow solid surface right on.

The moment I know I did my routine correctly; straight legs and all.

The feeling after I get a skill for the first time.

The knowledge that I did it.

That relief that floods me as I realize I can do what needs to be done. 

The knowledge that weeks of hard work have paid off.

I miss the gym.

Every aspect of it.

Even the parts I used to complain about.

I miss my team, who never let me chicken out, 

But who were always there for me.

I miss hearing my coach yell at me (loudly enough for the whole gym to hear)

That I just needed to get over it and go.

I miss being told for the hundredth time that my full turn won't count.

I miss the hugs from my team when I was scared and the coaches angry.

I miss the giant hugs from my coach the first time I got a skill.

Then I knew that all the yelling had been worth it.

I miss the sweat dripping down my forehead.

I miss the chalk coating my hands

And the callouses that snag.

I miss the gym.

Have you ever had something that was so much a part of you it felt like it was ripping your soul when it was no longer part of your life? Like it was tearing apart the very fabric of your being? 

When I first left the gym, thoughts of it would bring hot tears to my eyes and I could nothing to stop them. Now when I think of gym, I don't cry, but there is a dull ache there that is somehow worse than the raw emotion of the tears. An ache that will never quite go away. Only lies unnoticed. An ache that cannot be healed.  

This Cube of Rubik

If you don't recognize that line, get of the internet this instant and go watch movies until you do. I'm not even going to tell you what movie to watch. Just leave and don't come back until you can tell me the movie and scene that line is from.

Recently, I learned how to solve a Rubik's cube. And it makes me happy. The first time I ever solved one, I laughed so hard I cried. But I couldn't do it by myself. My friends had to help me. But that night, my friend (who had also just learned to solve it) and I went to her basement, turned on Hercules, ate Reese's and solved Rubik's Cubes. It was great.

But then I went home and kept practicing it, and bringing it to church so I could ask what the next step was, and yesterday, I rode to the airport with some friends to meet the team our church sent to Croatia this year, and I solved the thing like 3 times in the car, and a bunch more in the airport. And each time, I got closer and closer, until I finally could do it myself!!!

So the whole point of this random little ramble is that I can solve a Rubik's Cube with no help at all and it makes me very happy! This is quite possible the stupidest most pointless post I've ever written, and I have no excuse. Only that I am bored, and so I thought I should tell you guys a story so you could join me in boredom. I will not be offended if you decide not to read this post.

Love, 

Robin  

I Jumped Off the Face of the Earth

It's been ages since I posted. The truth is I jumped off the face of the earth and explored the great void beyond ran around like a crazy person at work camp and vbs. I always said, "Oh, I'll post later," and then....later never came. Later is not a faithful friend, you guys. Never shows up on time. Ever.
So. Typical but hopefully not generic update on what I've been doing while I have been absent form the internet.

First, I got a job. I work at Zaxby's, and no, I am not sick of their food yet. It's a nice job, even if I do have to wash a ton of dishes. :)
I was a councilor at my church's Kid's Camp for the first time, which was great fun, as kid's camp always is. A little rain will never stop us! Our team was the Blue Eggs and Ham (don't knock the Suess) and our theme was Return of the King, and we referenced LOTR constantly. The green team was called the Green Dragons, and their cheer was the song Pippin and Merry sing about the Green Dragon pub in Two Towers. Only they changed the words so it wasn't about a pub. :) One of my dear friends came back from Indiana for camp and made camp all that much better!
Then there was a week's reprieve and VBS started. I was in the skit that we performed at the end of each day, and it was a blast! I had to learn to speak with a western accent, and not burst out laughing at the funny parts. Especially when I could see all the kids laughing. It was a great time though, involving much laughter, and the consumption of copious amounts of coffee.

That's about it, and now that my life has calmed some what, I will hopefully begin to post more often. But as this is summer, and summer tends to be spontaneous, no guarantees.

Until the next time, 

Robin