Fire

I see fire

Fire burning, burning bright

Bright behind your eyes

I see fire 

Fire burning, burning embers

Embers of desire

I see fire

Fire burning, burning sparks

Sparks of passion flying from your eyes

I see fire

Fire burning, burning high

High flame in your eyes; cannot be quenched

I see fire

Fire burning, burning and consuming

Consuming and I am afraid. 

The Skinny Jeans Dance

We all know it.

We all do it.

That odd little jig you do when you pull on your skinny jeans.

The one that gets a little more...enthusiastic when they're fresh out of the dryer. It looks like some twisted combination of an Irish Jig and a tribal rain dance. And then you do a few squats at the end just for good measure.

We need to put our thoughts into spiritual Skinny Jeans.

The Bible tells us to take every thought captive. The whole point of the Skinny Jeans Dance is that the pants are tight, difficult to get into, difficult to get out of. But not so bad once they're on. We need to put our thoughts through a little bit of dancing and stick them in some nice, tight, spiritual Skinny Jeans.

Which is where God intended them to be. He intended our thoughts to be pure, focused on Him. Not running every which way with every little idea. It takes a bit of a dance to get them there.

A sort of mental Skinny Jeans Dance. You have to jiggle them around, force them where you want them to go. Kind of like forcing your heel through the leg hole of a pair of skinny jeans.

But once they're on, Skinny Jeans aren't to bad. They're pretty comfortable, really. If we could make our minds focus 100% on God, on what is pure and good and holy and right, imagine how comfortable we'd be.

I wish I had more personal experience to say, "Yes! I've tried it, and it's so comfortable keeping my mind focused on the right things all the time!" But unfortunately, this is an area in which I struggle. I don't keep my mind where it needs to be. I tend to wear spiritual sweatpants. But I feel pretty confident saying that keeping our minds focused on what God wants us to focus on would be better and more pleasant for us.

So go forth and clad yourselves in spiritual Skinny Jeans, my friends!

5 Things You Should Know About College Kids

1. They are always tired.
No, like really. It's a given , a constant state of being. To what extent varies, but it's always there in some form. In the background. So that when one of them sees a long bench at a booth or something the first thought is not, "that bench is strangely long," it's, "that bench is long enough to sleep on". Always. Tired.

2. They are utterly broke. (cliche, but who cares).
To the point that they usually know (or can figure out in a few seconds) the cheapest way to eat at any given restaurant. Because not only are they broke, they also have no time to eat actual meals where you sit down at an actual table and take the time to enjoy food and company. And if they have a gift card, they will eat at that place, regardless of how much they do or do not like it.

3. They could live out of their cars.
Seriously. If you get in the car of a college student, there will be a plethora of cups and bags from fast food places, a coat, a pair of shoes, a textbook, probably some old homework assignments, CD's all over the place, and any number of other things. They could probably pick out an entire outfit just from the clothes that get tossed in the car. Missing assignments? In the car. Phone? In the car. And while we're on the topic, they're good at multitasking in the car. They can eat, talk on the phone, put on make up all while driving.

4. They are firm supporters of the statement "Ignorance is bliss."
Most of them, at least. Those few days after a test and before grades are posted are some of the most blissful days in a college students life. The test is over, for better or for worse, and grades aren't there to be known yet, so why not spend a few days not stressed?

5.One word: Caffeine.
It doesn't matter what form it comes in. Coffee, Mountain Dew, tea, whatever it is. If it has caffeine in it, there's probably college students not far away. People like to think that college students hang out in coffee shops because they're quiet, or because that's where "cool people" go, or something like that. This is false. They are called COFFEE shops. What is contained in coffee? That's right. Caffeine.

There you have it. Five things you should know about college kids. If you are a college kid, read this and laugh. If not, read this and have sympathy for us.

Just a Regular Morning

Noise. Ringing. Bells. So loud. Be quiet.

MAKE IT STOP!!!

Light.

Turn on the light.

Ouch. That hurts.

Get up.

But it's warm.

Get up lazy butt.

Cold. So cold. 

Warm shower.

Cold and wet. Mornings are evil.

Clothes. Look like a person.

I don't want to be a person.

Too bad.

"Good morning, dear."

CAFFEINE 

"Need to make coffee."

Hurry up.

"You look cute."

"Thanks."

"What classes do you have today?"

Zip backpack. Computer cord? Check.

"Math...lit...and chemistry"

"Okay. What time will you be home again?"

"3:30ish. I have to go. Now."

"Oh. Okay, bye! Have a good day!"

Stop hugging. Have to leave.

"Bye. Love you too."

Score. I left on time.

No. Blow warm air, you stupid car.

Drive faster. Slow pokes. Move. I'm gonna be late.

Score again. Got here on time. 

So. Cold. 

Almost there. Almost inside. 

Aahh. Warm air.

Early. Time to read. 

Ew. Don't sit next to me again. You smell like pot. Or cigarettes. Or something. 

Good. Alden's here.

"So how was your weekend?"

"Uh..."

Think! What did you do?

"It was good. Did homework. Worked. Went to church. Ate lunch with some friends. How was yours?"

"Pretty good. Didn't do much."

"Okay guys, let's get started."

Numbers are dumb.

***

End part one of the totally random and uncalled for internal monologue of a college student. (Namely, myself. Mostly because I didn't have anything else to go off of.)
Part Two to follow some day. Hope you all enjoyed. :)

Love,
Robin

Fat Books

This is truth. 

You don't notice it until years after you first bought the book. You pick it up, and look at it. You take in the battered corners, the way the edges are peeling back on the paper of the spine. The spine is covered up and down in a thousand creases. How the paper back cover that used to lie so flat is now creased and doesn't rest flat on the page any more. The pages aren't sharp paper cut material any more, they're sort of....fluffy. And you realize just how long you've had that book and how many times you've read it. You open the front cover and a strange sort of nostalgia comes over you. It's like the excitement of opening it for the first time all over again, only you know what happens. You're walking on an old road you've traveled a hundred times, returning to meet old friends, but you still feel that sense of adventure and suspense like that first time you opened the cover. 

I read so many books over the course of my childhood, I couldn't even begin to list them. But whenever I think about the books I read when I was a kid, the dominating ones that come to mind are the Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings. 

I loved them. I read the Hobbit first. I've read it the most. 

I read it the for the first time in sixth grade. 

I read it because my friend said it was really good. And she was right. 

I read the bit on the first page telling about Hobbits. I adored the story. I've reread it several times over the years. 

That book say me through that awkward stage of life we call middle school, was used many times as a boring evening's entertainment, gave birth to a brief obsession of riddles, and was still listed among my favorites by my junior year of highschool when I used it in an essay. (still among my favorites. always will be.) That paper was my favorite assignment all year and I couldn't wait to write it. 

Now I open it up again and smile the way you do when you find your stuffed animal from when you were a kid. You know the one. It looks like its been soaked, run over, tread on, maybe used as a napkin. I see the familiar first page heading "And what is a Hobbit?" I flip through all the pages and find that some places lay open better than others. 

I remember that first reading and all the subsequent ones. I remember nearing the end and clutching the pages in fright in a chair in my living room. I remember reading it another time at the pool waiting for my sister. I remember reading it my room when I was bored waiting for my parent's small group to finish so my sister and I could come out. I remember all the times I reread certain parts, and searching for quotes for my paper. 

Bits of my life really are preserved for me within those pages. 

Each time I read it, I understand a bit more. I bring new experience and new knowledge to it every time I read. 

So every time I open it I'm greeted by some old friends, and younger versions of myself, getting a bit older each time. 

Sorry about this completely random, slightly not-flowing post, I'm feeling a little nostalgic over here, and kind of missing childhood. Also the Hobbit just came out, so it's on my mind. 

Love ya!

Robin

Lavender Brown

I have one more final, you guys. One. More. Tomorrow morning at 10:30. Unfortunately, because it's a group project where we're putting on a skit, I can't study for it. So in order to distract myself, I'm here.

Warning: Harry Potter character death spoilers.

Lavender Brown.

We don't know much about her early on, just that she's in the same year as harry, Ron and Hermione and sorted into Gryffindor. But by the third book, we begin to get a sense of her. She seems frivolous and shallow.  She hangs on everything that Professor Trelawney says even when its obvious that it's a bunch of nonsense. We get the idea that she's maybe an average student. Good enough to remain unnoticed in the middle; not poor or good enough to attract the attention of the teachers.

And then.

We get to sixth year. And this is where everyone loses it. For multiple reasons, but as far as relates to this post, Ron starts dating Lavender. This is the point in the story where every girl wanted Lavender to go jump in the lake, and wanted to slap Ron silly for how he was acting. The relationship was the never-stop-kissing-cheesey-nicknames-always-need-to-be-with-each-other type relationship. Finally, Ron manages to break it off. Takes some difficult circumstances, but still. No one likes Lavender at this point though. She's the kind of annoying person that we couldn't care less if she just disappeared forever.

And then the seventh book. At the end, the great Battle at Hogwarts. McGonagall tells all the first years and everyone who does not want to fight to leave. And we were all thinking, "Okay, yes, good, send the sweet little first year babies home." But then later there's s moment, just a small one, where we see Lavender dead. Killed by Fenrir Greyback, a werewolf.

And here's where I want to camp for a moment. There're a whole lot of places I could go with this, like the casualties of war and all that, but I won't. Lavender Brown, whom we all thought was silly and emotional, flighty, and out of tune to anything that really matters, stayed to fight in the battle of Hogwarts. She knew what the risks were. She knew the odds against them, she knew she didn't have to stay.

She chose to stay and fight, and was killed for it.

Looking back, we notice something not-so-noticed the first time round. Lavender joined the D.A in fifth year, despite Umbridge's reign of terror at Hogwarts. And then, during her seventh year, she joined the second Dumbledore's Army to oppose the Death Eaters at Hogwarts. She hid with the others in the Room of requirement, and she fought in the battle when that time came.

Lavender Brown, who's always dismissed for her somewhat shallow personality, showed that she was more than everyone thought she was. Just because she's not like Hermione-smart, brave, and true, or Luna-individual, unaffected by others, and intelligent, doesn't make her a Pansy Parkinson.

The ordinary people that are so easily dismissed often end up being just as brave and loyal as those of whom we expect great things. No one expected anything above average of Lavender-but she gave the ultimate sacrifice for the cause she believed in.

Lavender Brown; silly, emotional, and maybe a little boy crazy.

Lavender Brown; brave, loyal, and hero of the Battle at Hogwarts.

A Learning Curve

I haven't posted in a long time. The oh-so-typical truth is that I've had crazy amounts of school to do. College is hard, guys. But I didn't come here to complain. I came here to say something that is, for once, serious and a bit painfully honest.

Most of my posts in the past have been things that make me laugh, or drive me crazy, or the generic, "Hey, I haven't posted in awhile, I should say something" things.

This is different. Like I said, I haven't had much time lately. I thought about just giving up on the whole blogging thing because I have zero time. But then I decided it didn't matter how often I posted, or how many people read it, or anything like that. As long as I enjoy doing it, there's no reason not to, unless I have homework.

But that's also not the point.

What I'm trying to say is: I'm learning.

You're probably thinking, "Well, duh! You're in school!" This is true. And I AM learning. About how to write bibliographies correctly, about the Cold War, world economics, and all kinds of other things.

That's not what I meant, though. I'm learning about myself. I'm learning who the heck I am. Or, more correctly, that I have absolutely no idea what the answer to that question is. It's like, I went through high school pretty confident in who I was, and then in senior year, I got a taste of what change would do to me, but I didn't really think much of it. I didn't think much about anything but graduation for the entire second half of that year. :) Then college hit. And all of a sudden I didn't know how to answer that question.

So many questions that I never had to ask before (like "How do you study for tests?) and things I've never had to think about. But even beyond those things, world issues, school issues, have been other things.

When did I start caring so much what other people think?

When did guys become interesting to me?

When did my mom stop being able to solve every problem that exists?

When did my dad stop being the most perfect man in existence?

How do I interact with my parents now that I'm becoming an almost-adult?

How do I handle the changes in relationships with my friends?

Who the heck am I??

I don't know the answers to those questions.

It's a learning curve.

That's what one friend, who's a few years older than me said once when I was talking to her about one of those questions. It's a learning curve. You have to learn. That sounds painfully obvious, but it's so true. She and another friend have told me that multiple times in different words. That growing up is hard, that you have to learn, that your parents don't know what they're doing either.

Thinking about this the past few days, I've realized something.

I don't know who I am yet. I don't know who I will be when I graduate. Or even in just a year.

But there are some things I do know.

I am saved. Even if I struggle 99% of the time. Even if I doubt, (which isn't thinking on that which is true anyways).

I have a Bible. And I know how to read. I have great teachers at church, and I have friends with a better understanding than me that I can go to for help.

I have been blessed with friends who are older than me and who can help me through the struggles. They'll tell me that college is hard, and growing up is confusing, and they'll answer my questions, and give me a hug when I need it.

I'm not trying to be super optimistic or something, like all those inspirational pins you see on pinterest. This is real. Those questions, those are the things that keep me awake at night. Those are the things that make me want to cry. The fact that I don't know myself terrifies me. But then I remember the facts, and I think that at least I don't have to do it alone. I might still die a little, but at least I won't be facing it entirely alone.

Now, do me a favor, and go start a land war in Asia.

Robin