A Learning Curve

I haven't posted in a long time. The oh-so-typical truth is that I've had crazy amounts of school to do. College is hard, guys. But I didn't come here to complain. I came here to say something that is, for once, serious and a bit painfully honest.

Most of my posts in the past have been things that make me laugh, or drive me crazy, or the generic, "Hey, I haven't posted in awhile, I should say something" things.

This is different. Like I said, I haven't had much time lately. I thought about just giving up on the whole blogging thing because I have zero time. But then I decided it didn't matter how often I posted, or how many people read it, or anything like that. As long as I enjoy doing it, there's no reason not to, unless I have homework.

But that's also not the point.

What I'm trying to say is: I'm learning.

You're probably thinking, "Well, duh! You're in school!" This is true. And I AM learning. About how to write bibliographies correctly, about the Cold War, world economics, and all kinds of other things.

That's not what I meant, though. I'm learning about myself. I'm learning who the heck I am. Or, more correctly, that I have absolutely no idea what the answer to that question is. It's like, I went through high school pretty confident in who I was, and then in senior year, I got a taste of what change would do to me, but I didn't really think much of it. I didn't think much about anything but graduation for the entire second half of that year. :) Then college hit. And all of a sudden I didn't know how to answer that question.

So many questions that I never had to ask before (like "How do you study for tests?) and things I've never had to think about. But even beyond those things, world issues, school issues, have been other things.

When did I start caring so much what other people think?

When did guys become interesting to me?

When did my mom stop being able to solve every problem that exists?

When did my dad stop being the most perfect man in existence?

How do I interact with my parents now that I'm becoming an almost-adult?

How do I handle the changes in relationships with my friends?

Who the heck am I??

I don't know the answers to those questions.

It's a learning curve.

That's what one friend, who's a few years older than me said once when I was talking to her about one of those questions. It's a learning curve. You have to learn. That sounds painfully obvious, but it's so true. She and another friend have told me that multiple times in different words. That growing up is hard, that you have to learn, that your parents don't know what they're doing either.

Thinking about this the past few days, I've realized something.

I don't know who I am yet. I don't know who I will be when I graduate. Or even in just a year.

But there are some things I do know.

I am saved. Even if I struggle 99% of the time. Even if I doubt, (which isn't thinking on that which is true anyways).

I have a Bible. And I know how to read. I have great teachers at church, and I have friends with a better understanding than me that I can go to for help.

I have been blessed with friends who are older than me and who can help me through the struggles. They'll tell me that college is hard, and growing up is confusing, and they'll answer my questions, and give me a hug when I need it.

I'm not trying to be super optimistic or something, like all those inspirational pins you see on pinterest. This is real. Those questions, those are the things that keep me awake at night. Those are the things that make me want to cry. The fact that I don't know myself terrifies me. But then I remember the facts, and I think that at least I don't have to do it alone. I might still die a little, but at least I won't be facing it entirely alone.

Now, do me a favor, and go start a land war in Asia.

Robin

Hey There!

Well, after a long absence, I'm back. I feel like I haven't written in forever and I was like, "I need to write a blog post." So here we go. 

I feel like I should have something to tell about what I've been doing, but I haven't been doing much. Just working. So it's weird. Also my "s" key is sticking. Whatever. Anways. I've been working. And then, this past week, Monday through Thursday, a dear friend of mine came to visit (well actually I sorta kidnapped her, but that's beside the point) and we had a great time. We stayed up late every night, and made many midnight runs to the pantry. We watched Emma, which I'd never seen before (it was amazing) and she introduced me to the Lizzie Bennet Diaries. They were brilliant. Like they had me cracking up and sobbing on Annakate's arm. Go watch them. They are beautiful. On Wednesday night, we had coffee with a bunch of friends and got to surprise everybody, which was completely awesome! I think that the conversations you have with your friends at 1:30 are the best; and we had so many of them. It was wonderful; even if she stole my phone and hacked my facebook and told everybody that I was a Peeta fan and preferred Percy to Jason.   

In other news, today was the first day of college classes. Needless to say, because I'm me, I was freaked out about it. However, it wasn't to bad. Granted it's pretty hard to get worse than my first day of LAST semester, but still. :) I was well on my way to school when I realized I'd forgotten my schedule, so I had no idea where my classes were. Then, I was already close to being late when I missed the turn into the parking deck at school and had to search for it. When I got there I had to find the building (my mom texted me what was on my schedule :)) and was late to my first class. But then I went to my next class (English) and I LOVE my professor. She's going to be awesome! But then, for some reason I had an alarm set on my phone for 9 am, and (despite the fact that I had the sound turned off) it went off in the middle of class. And my professor just started laughing. Over all though,  it was a good day. :) 

But now I feel the need to watch a Harry Potter coming on. So I'm going to leave you lovely people for now and watch Harry Potter.

Until I get my Hogwarts letter, 

Robin

How to Not Annoy Fast Food Workers

1. If you have a huge order, go inside instead of the drive through if at all possible. Because in the drive through, we're supposed to keep our times down. And when some lady comes in, orders two plates, three wings meals, a grilled cheese, and two orders of fries, then it takes us forever to make it, and then our drive times go up and that does not make anybody happy.
2. When you order, you don't have to taaaaalk liiiiiiike thisssss aaaaannnnnd saaaaaaayyyy eeeeeeveeeryyyythiiiinnng suuupeeeer sloooooowwwwwwlyyyyy. See how annoying that was to read? That's how it sounds to listen to as well. As long as you're not speaking at the speed of light, and you're enunciating your words like a good English speaker, I promise we can understand you. I've seen people take like 3 minutes to order, (although that may have been a combination of this and the above, but still) and then our drive times are blown.
3. Know what you're asking for. Please. I understand if you don't come to that place often, but, news flash guys, THAT'S WHAT MENUS ARE FOR!!! Don't sit there telling the cashiers, and there by the cooks, that you want something that's not on the menu. One time this guy came to the drive through asking for something none of us had ever heard of before. Not even at other restaurants. So. If you're unfamiliar, read the menu really quick, or if you can't GO INSIDE! Because in there, you can sit and stare at that menu as long as your little heart desires without affecting us.
4. This follows along with the last one. When you get to the drive through, order, and then don't change it at the window. That also causes drive times to go up. When we have to make another whole meal. And if you do do this, kindly remember that it is not our fault when you have to wait longer. (not saying people do this, I'm just throwing it out there) We are not the ones who have decisiveness issues.
5. Please, please, for the love of all that is good, KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!! When you pull up to the drive through, our clock starts running. And when you sit there going like this "Umm....I want a umm......hmmmm....I think I'll have a hmmm....a...no, a umm..." IT IS THE MOST ANNOYING THING IN THE WORLD. Or this one: "Ok, give me just a second" makes everyone want to say things like "I'm sorry, we don't sell those here,"  While you're sitting there, deciding what exactly you want and changing your mind a bajillion times, and using all the variations of "um" known to human kind, precious seconds are ticking away on our clock. And we can't start making YOUR  food until YOU order, so for Heaven's sake know what you want, don't sound like a sea sick whale, and order your food!!! And when you have kids with you, I have a ground breaking idea! While you are driving to the restaurant ask your children what they would like to eat. NOT when you pull into the drive through. ON THE WAY THERE say "We're going to such and such a place, what would you like?" So that you're not sitting there going "What do you want honey? No, I don't think they have that. Yes, you may get a kid's meal. Are you sure that's what you want?" And on and on it goes. Yes, we CAN hear you. And what you say in the car.

Okay, I'm done ranting now. It's safe to uncover your ears. No more shouting. So. I know I've been absent for awhile. School starts soon orientation is this Thursday. (Yikes!) And one other thing. Hopefully I will be posting a much longer, more interesting post soon. It's a  story I'm working on. No promises on how soon though.

Love,
Robin, the annoyed fast food worker. ;)
 

A Ripped Soul

I miss the sweat.

I miss the chalk.

I even miss the blood and tears.

I miss the noises.

The shouts of coaches, the cheers of teammates.

The chatter of little girls, the thuds and creaks of equipment.

I miss the smell.

That peculiar combination

That can be found in one place.

The strange mix of chalk and sweat

That never gets blown away by the air conditioner.

I miss the pain.

Feeling like my limbs are on fire.

Wishing my hands would fall off.

The stinging brought on by sudden loss of skin.

The bruises and rug burns of a thousand falls.

I miss the fear.

The moment of telling myself to let go.

That moment in the corner where all my fears rise up

And try to choke me.

Yes, even that split second of terror as my narrow solid surface 

Disappears from under my feet.

I miss the joy.

The time with my team talking by the chalk bowl.

The relief I feel after a long day of school.

The moment when I realize we're conditioning ourselves.

The feeling of being part of a team.

 I miss the satisfaction.

The knowledge that however much pain I'm in, it's worth it.

The sound of my feet hitting the narrow solid surface right on.

The moment I know I did my routine correctly; straight legs and all.

The feeling after I get a skill for the first time.

The knowledge that I did it.

That relief that floods me as I realize I can do what needs to be done. 

The knowledge that weeks of hard work have paid off.

I miss the gym.

Every aspect of it.

Even the parts I used to complain about.

I miss my team, who never let me chicken out, 

But who were always there for me.

I miss hearing my coach yell at me (loudly enough for the whole gym to hear)

That I just needed to get over it and go.

I miss being told for the hundredth time that my full turn won't count.

I miss the hugs from my team when I was scared and the coaches angry.

I miss the giant hugs from my coach the first time I got a skill.

Then I knew that all the yelling had been worth it.

I miss the sweat dripping down my forehead.

I miss the chalk coating my hands

And the callouses that snag.

I miss the gym.

Have you ever had something that was so much a part of you it felt like it was ripping your soul when it was no longer part of your life? Like it was tearing apart the very fabric of your being? 

When I first left the gym, thoughts of it would bring hot tears to my eyes and I could nothing to stop them. Now when I think of gym, I don't cry, but there is a dull ache there that is somehow worse than the raw emotion of the tears. An ache that will never quite go away. Only lies unnoticed. An ache that cannot be healed.  

This Cube of Rubik

If you don't recognize that line, get of the internet this instant and go watch movies until you do. I'm not even going to tell you what movie to watch. Just leave and don't come back until you can tell me the movie and scene that line is from.

Recently, I learned how to solve a Rubik's cube. And it makes me happy. The first time I ever solved one, I laughed so hard I cried. But I couldn't do it by myself. My friends had to help me. But that night, my friend (who had also just learned to solve it) and I went to her basement, turned on Hercules, ate Reese's and solved Rubik's Cubes. It was great.

But then I went home and kept practicing it, and bringing it to church so I could ask what the next step was, and yesterday, I rode to the airport with some friends to meet the team our church sent to Croatia this year, and I solved the thing like 3 times in the car, and a bunch more in the airport. And each time, I got closer and closer, until I finally could do it myself!!!

So the whole point of this random little ramble is that I can solve a Rubik's Cube with no help at all and it makes me very happy! This is quite possible the stupidest most pointless post I've ever written, and I have no excuse. Only that I am bored, and so I thought I should tell you guys a story so you could join me in boredom. I will not be offended if you decide not to read this post.

Love, 

Robin  

I Jumped Off the Face of the Earth

It's been ages since I posted. The truth is I jumped off the face of the earth and explored the great void beyond ran around like a crazy person at work camp and vbs. I always said, "Oh, I'll post later," and then....later never came. Later is not a faithful friend, you guys. Never shows up on time. Ever.
So. Typical but hopefully not generic update on what I've been doing while I have been absent form the internet.

First, I got a job. I work at Zaxby's, and no, I am not sick of their food yet. It's a nice job, even if I do have to wash a ton of dishes. :)
I was a councilor at my church's Kid's Camp for the first time, which was great fun, as kid's camp always is. A little rain will never stop us! Our team was the Blue Eggs and Ham (don't knock the Suess) and our theme was Return of the King, and we referenced LOTR constantly. The green team was called the Green Dragons, and their cheer was the song Pippin and Merry sing about the Green Dragon pub in Two Towers. Only they changed the words so it wasn't about a pub. :) One of my dear friends came back from Indiana for camp and made camp all that much better!
Then there was a week's reprieve and VBS started. I was in the skit that we performed at the end of each day, and it was a blast! I had to learn to speak with a western accent, and not burst out laughing at the funny parts. Especially when I could see all the kids laughing. It was a great time though, involving much laughter, and the consumption of copious amounts of coffee.

That's about it, and now that my life has calmed some what, I will hopefully begin to post more often. But as this is summer, and summer tends to be spontaneous, no guarantees.

Until the next time, 

Robin      

Summer

A sleepover with two of my best friends last night, even though it was a Monday. Staying up late writing and talking. Getting up in the morning to a breakfast of toaster waffles and syrup. That's summer. That delightful season where I can never remember what day of the week it is. Where I can stay up late every night if I want, because I don't have school the next day.

I love summer.

I love having my friends here on a Tuesday morning, and we decide to have lightsaber fights just for old time's sake. Then we get hot and go inside to sit in the basement drink coffee and write. Then we return to the outside to defend the planet backyard from the invading munchkins. (We won). Going to get slushies just for the heck of it.

I love the feeling I get when I realize that my church's kid's camp is only a week away. And I squeal with excitement, because, let's face it, I'm just as excited for camp as the kids are. I get to be a counselor for the first time this year, and I cannot wait!! And then this realization spurs on a conversation that goes something like this: "Remember that time..." "Yes!!! Remember the year...." And on and on it goes.

To me, all these things make up summer. Days where the sun shines and the air feels like the inside of an oven and all I want to do is jump in a pool. Summer days are filled with memories, and every summer I remember the things that happened last year and smile. And I know that knew memories will be created and I will have more stories to tell.

Also, pictures from the trip to Orlando that I forgot to tell you all about will be posted soon! (hopefully!)

Love, 

Robin