Fat Books

This is truth. 

You don't notice it until years after you first bought the book. You pick it up, and look at it. You take in the battered corners, the way the edges are peeling back on the paper of the spine. The spine is covered up and down in a thousand creases. How the paper back cover that used to lie so flat is now creased and doesn't rest flat on the page any more. The pages aren't sharp paper cut material any more, they're sort of....fluffy. And you realize just how long you've had that book and how many times you've read it. You open the front cover and a strange sort of nostalgia comes over you. It's like the excitement of opening it for the first time all over again, only you know what happens. You're walking on an old road you've traveled a hundred times, returning to meet old friends, but you still feel that sense of adventure and suspense like that first time you opened the cover. 

I read so many books over the course of my childhood, I couldn't even begin to list them. But whenever I think about the books I read when I was a kid, the dominating ones that come to mind are the Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings. 

I loved them. I read the Hobbit first. I've read it the most. 

I read it the for the first time in sixth grade. 

I read it because my friend said it was really good. And she was right. 

I read the bit on the first page telling about Hobbits. I adored the story. I've reread it several times over the years. 

That book say me through that awkward stage of life we call middle school, was used many times as a boring evening's entertainment, gave birth to a brief obsession of riddles, and was still listed among my favorites by my junior year of highschool when I used it in an essay. (still among my favorites. always will be.) That paper was my favorite assignment all year and I couldn't wait to write it. 

Now I open it up again and smile the way you do when you find your stuffed animal from when you were a kid. You know the one. It looks like its been soaked, run over, tread on, maybe used as a napkin. I see the familiar first page heading "And what is a Hobbit?" I flip through all the pages and find that some places lay open better than others. 

I remember that first reading and all the subsequent ones. I remember nearing the end and clutching the pages in fright in a chair in my living room. I remember reading it another time at the pool waiting for my sister. I remember reading it my room when I was bored waiting for my parent's small group to finish so my sister and I could come out. I remember all the times I reread certain parts, and searching for quotes for my paper. 

Bits of my life really are preserved for me within those pages. 

Each time I read it, I understand a bit more. I bring new experience and new knowledge to it every time I read. 

So every time I open it I'm greeted by some old friends, and younger versions of myself, getting a bit older each time. 

Sorry about this completely random, slightly not-flowing post, I'm feeling a little nostalgic over here, and kind of missing childhood. Also the Hobbit just came out, so it's on my mind. 

Love ya!

Robin

Lavender Brown

I have one more final, you guys. One. More. Tomorrow morning at 10:30. Unfortunately, because it's a group project where we're putting on a skit, I can't study for it. So in order to distract myself, I'm here.

Warning: Harry Potter character death spoilers.

Lavender Brown.

We don't know much about her early on, just that she's in the same year as harry, Ron and Hermione and sorted into Gryffindor. But by the third book, we begin to get a sense of her. She seems frivolous and shallow.  She hangs on everything that Professor Trelawney says even when its obvious that it's a bunch of nonsense. We get the idea that she's maybe an average student. Good enough to remain unnoticed in the middle; not poor or good enough to attract the attention of the teachers.

And then.

We get to sixth year. And this is where everyone loses it. For multiple reasons, but as far as relates to this post, Ron starts dating Lavender. This is the point in the story where every girl wanted Lavender to go jump in the lake, and wanted to slap Ron silly for how he was acting. The relationship was the never-stop-kissing-cheesey-nicknames-always-need-to-be-with-each-other type relationship. Finally, Ron manages to break it off. Takes some difficult circumstances, but still. No one likes Lavender at this point though. She's the kind of annoying person that we couldn't care less if she just disappeared forever.

And then the seventh book. At the end, the great Battle at Hogwarts. McGonagall tells all the first years and everyone who does not want to fight to leave. And we were all thinking, "Okay, yes, good, send the sweet little first year babies home." But then later there's s moment, just a small one, where we see Lavender dead. Killed by Fenrir Greyback, a werewolf.

And here's where I want to camp for a moment. There're a whole lot of places I could go with this, like the casualties of war and all that, but I won't. Lavender Brown, whom we all thought was silly and emotional, flighty, and out of tune to anything that really matters, stayed to fight in the battle of Hogwarts. She knew what the risks were. She knew the odds against them, she knew she didn't have to stay.

She chose to stay and fight, and was killed for it.

Looking back, we notice something not-so-noticed the first time round. Lavender joined the D.A in fifth year, despite Umbridge's reign of terror at Hogwarts. And then, during her seventh year, she joined the second Dumbledore's Army to oppose the Death Eaters at Hogwarts. She hid with the others in the Room of requirement, and she fought in the battle when that time came.

Lavender Brown, who's always dismissed for her somewhat shallow personality, showed that she was more than everyone thought she was. Just because she's not like Hermione-smart, brave, and true, or Luna-individual, unaffected by others, and intelligent, doesn't make her a Pansy Parkinson.

The ordinary people that are so easily dismissed often end up being just as brave and loyal as those of whom we expect great things. No one expected anything above average of Lavender-but she gave the ultimate sacrifice for the cause she believed in.

Lavender Brown; silly, emotional, and maybe a little boy crazy.

Lavender Brown; brave, loyal, and hero of the Battle at Hogwarts.

A Learning Curve

I haven't posted in a long time. The oh-so-typical truth is that I've had crazy amounts of school to do. College is hard, guys. But I didn't come here to complain. I came here to say something that is, for once, serious and a bit painfully honest.

Most of my posts in the past have been things that make me laugh, or drive me crazy, or the generic, "Hey, I haven't posted in awhile, I should say something" things.

This is different. Like I said, I haven't had much time lately. I thought about just giving up on the whole blogging thing because I have zero time. But then I decided it didn't matter how often I posted, or how many people read it, or anything like that. As long as I enjoy doing it, there's no reason not to, unless I have homework.

But that's also not the point.

What I'm trying to say is: I'm learning.

You're probably thinking, "Well, duh! You're in school!" This is true. And I AM learning. About how to write bibliographies correctly, about the Cold War, world economics, and all kinds of other things.

That's not what I meant, though. I'm learning about myself. I'm learning who the heck I am. Or, more correctly, that I have absolutely no idea what the answer to that question is. It's like, I went through high school pretty confident in who I was, and then in senior year, I got a taste of what change would do to me, but I didn't really think much of it. I didn't think much about anything but graduation for the entire second half of that year. :) Then college hit. And all of a sudden I didn't know how to answer that question.

So many questions that I never had to ask before (like "How do you study for tests?) and things I've never had to think about. But even beyond those things, world issues, school issues, have been other things.

When did I start caring so much what other people think?

When did guys become interesting to me?

When did my mom stop being able to solve every problem that exists?

When did my dad stop being the most perfect man in existence?

How do I interact with my parents now that I'm becoming an almost-adult?

How do I handle the changes in relationships with my friends?

Who the heck am I??

I don't know the answers to those questions.

It's a learning curve.

That's what one friend, who's a few years older than me said once when I was talking to her about one of those questions. It's a learning curve. You have to learn. That sounds painfully obvious, but it's so true. She and another friend have told me that multiple times in different words. That growing up is hard, that you have to learn, that your parents don't know what they're doing either.

Thinking about this the past few days, I've realized something.

I don't know who I am yet. I don't know who I will be when I graduate. Or even in just a year.

But there are some things I do know.

I am saved. Even if I struggle 99% of the time. Even if I doubt, (which isn't thinking on that which is true anyways).

I have a Bible. And I know how to read. I have great teachers at church, and I have friends with a better understanding than me that I can go to for help.

I have been blessed with friends who are older than me and who can help me through the struggles. They'll tell me that college is hard, and growing up is confusing, and they'll answer my questions, and give me a hug when I need it.

I'm not trying to be super optimistic or something, like all those inspirational pins you see on pinterest. This is real. Those questions, those are the things that keep me awake at night. Those are the things that make me want to cry. The fact that I don't know myself terrifies me. But then I remember the facts, and I think that at least I don't have to do it alone. I might still die a little, but at least I won't be facing it entirely alone.

Now, do me a favor, and go start a land war in Asia.

Robin

Hey There!

Well, after a long absence, I'm back. I feel like I haven't written in forever and I was like, "I need to write a blog post." So here we go. 

I feel like I should have something to tell about what I've been doing, but I haven't been doing much. Just working. So it's weird. Also my "s" key is sticking. Whatever. Anways. I've been working. And then, this past week, Monday through Thursday, a dear friend of mine came to visit (well actually I sorta kidnapped her, but that's beside the point) and we had a great time. We stayed up late every night, and made many midnight runs to the pantry. We watched Emma, which I'd never seen before (it was amazing) and she introduced me to the Lizzie Bennet Diaries. They were brilliant. Like they had me cracking up and sobbing on Annakate's arm. Go watch them. They are beautiful. On Wednesday night, we had coffee with a bunch of friends and got to surprise everybody, which was completely awesome! I think that the conversations you have with your friends at 1:30 are the best; and we had so many of them. It was wonderful; even if she stole my phone and hacked my facebook and told everybody that I was a Peeta fan and preferred Percy to Jason.   

In other news, today was the first day of college classes. Needless to say, because I'm me, I was freaked out about it. However, it wasn't to bad. Granted it's pretty hard to get worse than my first day of LAST semester, but still. :) I was well on my way to school when I realized I'd forgotten my schedule, so I had no idea where my classes were. Then, I was already close to being late when I missed the turn into the parking deck at school and had to search for it. When I got there I had to find the building (my mom texted me what was on my schedule :)) and was late to my first class. But then I went to my next class (English) and I LOVE my professor. She's going to be awesome! But then, for some reason I had an alarm set on my phone for 9 am, and (despite the fact that I had the sound turned off) it went off in the middle of class. And my professor just started laughing. Over all though,  it was a good day. :) 

But now I feel the need to watch a Harry Potter coming on. So I'm going to leave you lovely people for now and watch Harry Potter.

Until I get my Hogwarts letter, 

Robin

How to Not Annoy Fast Food Workers

1. If you have a huge order, go inside instead of the drive through if at all possible. Because in the drive through, we're supposed to keep our times down. And when some lady comes in, orders two plates, three wings meals, a grilled cheese, and two orders of fries, then it takes us forever to make it, and then our drive times go up and that does not make anybody happy.
2. When you order, you don't have to taaaaalk liiiiiiike thisssss aaaaannnnnd saaaaaaayyyy eeeeeeveeeryyyythiiiinnng suuupeeeer sloooooowwwwwwlyyyyy. See how annoying that was to read? That's how it sounds to listen to as well. As long as you're not speaking at the speed of light, and you're enunciating your words like a good English speaker, I promise we can understand you. I've seen people take like 3 minutes to order, (although that may have been a combination of this and the above, but still) and then our drive times are blown.
3. Know what you're asking for. Please. I understand if you don't come to that place often, but, news flash guys, THAT'S WHAT MENUS ARE FOR!!! Don't sit there telling the cashiers, and there by the cooks, that you want something that's not on the menu. One time this guy came to the drive through asking for something none of us had ever heard of before. Not even at other restaurants. So. If you're unfamiliar, read the menu really quick, or if you can't GO INSIDE! Because in there, you can sit and stare at that menu as long as your little heart desires without affecting us.
4. This follows along with the last one. When you get to the drive through, order, and then don't change it at the window. That also causes drive times to go up. When we have to make another whole meal. And if you do do this, kindly remember that it is not our fault when you have to wait longer. (not saying people do this, I'm just throwing it out there) We are not the ones who have decisiveness issues.
5. Please, please, for the love of all that is good, KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!! When you pull up to the drive through, our clock starts running. And when you sit there going like this "Umm....I want a umm......hmmmm....I think I'll have a hmmm....a...no, a umm..." IT IS THE MOST ANNOYING THING IN THE WORLD. Or this one: "Ok, give me just a second" makes everyone want to say things like "I'm sorry, we don't sell those here,"  While you're sitting there, deciding what exactly you want and changing your mind a bajillion times, and using all the variations of "um" known to human kind, precious seconds are ticking away on our clock. And we can't start making YOUR  food until YOU order, so for Heaven's sake know what you want, don't sound like a sea sick whale, and order your food!!! And when you have kids with you, I have a ground breaking idea! While you are driving to the restaurant ask your children what they would like to eat. NOT when you pull into the drive through. ON THE WAY THERE say "We're going to such and such a place, what would you like?" So that you're not sitting there going "What do you want honey? No, I don't think they have that. Yes, you may get a kid's meal. Are you sure that's what you want?" And on and on it goes. Yes, we CAN hear you. And what you say in the car.

Okay, I'm done ranting now. It's safe to uncover your ears. No more shouting. So. I know I've been absent for awhile. School starts soon orientation is this Thursday. (Yikes!) And one other thing. Hopefully I will be posting a much longer, more interesting post soon. It's a  story I'm working on. No promises on how soon though.

Love,
Robin, the annoyed fast food worker. ;)
 

A Ripped Soul

I miss the sweat.

I miss the chalk.

I even miss the blood and tears.

I miss the noises.

The shouts of coaches, the cheers of teammates.

The chatter of little girls, the thuds and creaks of equipment.

I miss the smell.

That peculiar combination

That can be found in one place.

The strange mix of chalk and sweat

That never gets blown away by the air conditioner.

I miss the pain.

Feeling like my limbs are on fire.

Wishing my hands would fall off.

The stinging brought on by sudden loss of skin.

The bruises and rug burns of a thousand falls.

I miss the fear.

The moment of telling myself to let go.

That moment in the corner where all my fears rise up

And try to choke me.

Yes, even that split second of terror as my narrow solid surface 

Disappears from under my feet.

I miss the joy.

The time with my team talking by the chalk bowl.

The relief I feel after a long day of school.

The moment when I realize we're conditioning ourselves.

The feeling of being part of a team.

 I miss the satisfaction.

The knowledge that however much pain I'm in, it's worth it.

The sound of my feet hitting the narrow solid surface right on.

The moment I know I did my routine correctly; straight legs and all.

The feeling after I get a skill for the first time.

The knowledge that I did it.

That relief that floods me as I realize I can do what needs to be done. 

The knowledge that weeks of hard work have paid off.

I miss the gym.

Every aspect of it.

Even the parts I used to complain about.

I miss my team, who never let me chicken out, 

But who were always there for me.

I miss hearing my coach yell at me (loudly enough for the whole gym to hear)

That I just needed to get over it and go.

I miss being told for the hundredth time that my full turn won't count.

I miss the hugs from my team when I was scared and the coaches angry.

I miss the giant hugs from my coach the first time I got a skill.

Then I knew that all the yelling had been worth it.

I miss the sweat dripping down my forehead.

I miss the chalk coating my hands

And the callouses that snag.

I miss the gym.

Have you ever had something that was so much a part of you it felt like it was ripping your soul when it was no longer part of your life? Like it was tearing apart the very fabric of your being? 

When I first left the gym, thoughts of it would bring hot tears to my eyes and I could nothing to stop them. Now when I think of gym, I don't cry, but there is a dull ache there that is somehow worse than the raw emotion of the tears. An ache that will never quite go away. Only lies unnoticed. An ache that cannot be healed.  

This Cube of Rubik

If you don't recognize that line, get of the internet this instant and go watch movies until you do. I'm not even going to tell you what movie to watch. Just leave and don't come back until you can tell me the movie and scene that line is from.

Recently, I learned how to solve a Rubik's cube. And it makes me happy. The first time I ever solved one, I laughed so hard I cried. But I couldn't do it by myself. My friends had to help me. But that night, my friend (who had also just learned to solve it) and I went to her basement, turned on Hercules, ate Reese's and solved Rubik's Cubes. It was great.

But then I went home and kept practicing it, and bringing it to church so I could ask what the next step was, and yesterday, I rode to the airport with some friends to meet the team our church sent to Croatia this year, and I solved the thing like 3 times in the car, and a bunch more in the airport. And each time, I got closer and closer, until I finally could do it myself!!!

So the whole point of this random little ramble is that I can solve a Rubik's Cube with no help at all and it makes me very happy! This is quite possible the stupidest most pointless post I've ever written, and I have no excuse. Only that I am bored, and so I thought I should tell you guys a story so you could join me in boredom. I will not be offended if you decide not to read this post.

Love, 

Robin  

I Jumped Off the Face of the Earth

It's been ages since I posted. The truth is I jumped off the face of the earth and explored the great void beyond ran around like a crazy person at work camp and vbs. I always said, "Oh, I'll post later," and then....later never came. Later is not a faithful friend, you guys. Never shows up on time. Ever.
So. Typical but hopefully not generic update on what I've been doing while I have been absent form the internet.

First, I got a job. I work at Zaxby's, and no, I am not sick of their food yet. It's a nice job, even if I do have to wash a ton of dishes. :)
I was a councilor at my church's Kid's Camp for the first time, which was great fun, as kid's camp always is. A little rain will never stop us! Our team was the Blue Eggs and Ham (don't knock the Suess) and our theme was Return of the King, and we referenced LOTR constantly. The green team was called the Green Dragons, and their cheer was the song Pippin and Merry sing about the Green Dragon pub in Two Towers. Only they changed the words so it wasn't about a pub. :) One of my dear friends came back from Indiana for camp and made camp all that much better!
Then there was a week's reprieve and VBS started. I was in the skit that we performed at the end of each day, and it was a blast! I had to learn to speak with a western accent, and not burst out laughing at the funny parts. Especially when I could see all the kids laughing. It was a great time though, involving much laughter, and the consumption of copious amounts of coffee.

That's about it, and now that my life has calmed some what, I will hopefully begin to post more often. But as this is summer, and summer tends to be spontaneous, no guarantees.

Until the next time, 

Robin      

Summer

A sleepover with two of my best friends last night, even though it was a Monday. Staying up late writing and talking. Getting up in the morning to a breakfast of toaster waffles and syrup. That's summer. That delightful season where I can never remember what day of the week it is. Where I can stay up late every night if I want, because I don't have school the next day.

I love summer.

I love having my friends here on a Tuesday morning, and we decide to have lightsaber fights just for old time's sake. Then we get hot and go inside to sit in the basement drink coffee and write. Then we return to the outside to defend the planet backyard from the invading munchkins. (We won). Going to get slushies just for the heck of it.

I love the feeling I get when I realize that my church's kid's camp is only a week away. And I squeal with excitement, because, let's face it, I'm just as excited for camp as the kids are. I get to be a counselor for the first time this year, and I cannot wait!! And then this realization spurs on a conversation that goes something like this: "Remember that time..." "Yes!!! Remember the year...." And on and on it goes.

To me, all these things make up summer. Days where the sun shines and the air feels like the inside of an oven and all I want to do is jump in a pool. Summer days are filled with memories, and every summer I remember the things that happened last year and smile. And I know that knew memories will be created and I will have more stories to tell.

Also, pictures from the trip to Orlando that I forgot to tell you all about will be posted soon! (hopefully!)

Love, 

Robin

 

Suck It Up

So I've been thinking. Awhile ago, everyone was doing these things where they came up with a manifesto, or a life motto or something like that. And I was like, "Eh, that's cool. But I don't really have one." I don't really have one thing that can sum up how I view my life. I could tell you lots of things in life I enjoy; rainy days, cool breezes, good stories, the feeling of sticking a landing, a hug from my coach, but none of that is the sort of thing I could use to sum up my life, or how I try to go about living my life.

Well, the other day I was thinking about gym, and I was laughing about all the things our coaches say to us. The most common being some version of "Suck it up!". This, I realized should be my life's motto.

Suck it up!

I know you're all probably thinking, "Isn't that more like a sports thing, Robin? That doesn't apply to the rest of life." I know it sounds like something you would only hear in the gym, or the pool or the playing field. I know it sounds harsh and mean, and usually life mottos (or whatever you want to call it) are sweet or inspirational or something like that. And this, well it sounds like an irritated coach who is tired of complaining. (Probably because it came out of the mouth of one). But it really actually applies.

When I'm at gym (logical place to start), and I start complaining about how my arms are about to fall off, or it's not my fault my legs aren't straight, they have a mind of their own, or how I'm not flexible and this really hurts, I hear, "Suck it up!" (or some variation there of) from my coaches. Or sometimes from my self mentally. Suck it up, and deal with the pain. Get over it, you're not going to die.

In school, when I have tons of homework and I'm driving home thinking that all I want to do is lay on the floor pretending the world doesn't exist, I have to remind myself of this (hard). Suck it up, girlie. Just get home, get the work done. Suck it up, and deal with it. You can handle a little extra work.

When my plans for the week get thrown off, and I have to be super busy, or someone forgets to tell me that something needs or doesn't need to be done. I have to say, (you guessed it), suck it up. Pull yourself together, and get a move on. So you have to stay up till midnight writing a paper. Suck it up. Sleep is for the weak.

It even fits in with my Christian walk. Okay, now I know you're probably thinking "What in the world? That one really doesn't make sense." Who knows. Maybe you're not and this all makes perfect sense. Either way I'm going to explain it. When trials come (even little ones) and I want to get grumpy, and not do the right thing, I need to say to myself, "Suck it up!" No one ever said the Christian life would be easy, in fact, Christ said it would be hard. So when bad stuff happens, and I want to complain, or take the easy way out, I need to suck it up and deal with it. Even in the small things like reading my Bible every day. A lot of times I say I'm to tired, or to busy. Too bad. Suck it up, kid. Get yourself out of bed and do what you have to.

So there you have it. Life motto. Suck it up.

Crayons Can Melt On Us For All I Care

That is how I feel at this point. Crayons can melt on us for all I care. Everything is crazy right now with graduation and finals. Again. crayons can melt on us. Unless they're poison crayons. Then that would be bad.  Extremely so. I mean, who wants to be covered in poison crayons? Anyways. Whatever. 

I want to have a Disney movie marathon. My sister is watching Cinderella right now, and earlier she watched The Emperor's New Groove. And now I want a marathon. Any one interested?

(a picture for your benefit)

This is quite possibly the most random post I've ever written. Mainly because I'm avoiding my anatomy homework. But I really should get off the internet and work. But I really don't want to. Oh well. Maybe I'll get my Hogwarts letter, or the TARDIS will show up in my yard, or I'll walk into my closet and find myself in Narnia. That would be nice. Or maybe my cup will magically refill with coffee. Sorry, I'm rambling. 

This made me laugh. Hopefully you can see it. 

If not, take my word for it. It's funny.

Also, before I go, the title for this post is the title of a song by Relient K. Here are the lyrics. 

(Trust me. Watch the video.) Enjoy! =)

Until a later time when I don't have homework hanging over my head, 

Robin

Wedding Day!!!

Well. I am even later than usual in posting. My only excuse is that I have been crazy busy, but I haven't posted since last month...so that seems like a lame excuse. But worry not, dear readers, I have not abandoned thee!

Anyways, with this post I bring you the promised wedding pictures! Enjoy!

While she was getting her nails done, she made Caitlyn feed her.

On the way! 

Flower girl and ring bearer.

That's all for now, guys! Hope you enjoyed the pictures!

18

Last Sunday was my birthday. I turned eighteen. I am a legal adult. I can vote, drive after midnight, for all legal purposes I am considered an adult. Since last year I have been dreading this day. A friend told me a long time ago, when I was turning thirteen that age is just a number. It doesn't really signify anything. But while I know that as far as numbers go eighteen is not much different than seventeen, in my mind it is so much different.

Seventeen saw the start of senior year, my first college experience, moving up a level in gymnastics. I went to Croatia for the third time, I got baptized, I started attending college Bible study at church. Seventeen was a good year. It rested comfortably between two big birthdays: Sixteen and eighteen. At seventeen I was still "one of the highschool kids" and I liked it that way. It was comfortable.

Eighteen will see me graduate highschool, the end of my time in gymnastics, start college full time. Eighteen will force me out of my comfort zone. It will see me become "one of the college kids". And honestly, I don't know if I'll like it that way.

Seventeen was a good year. Eighteen scares me. But at the same time I look forward to what this year will bring.


P.S. I'll post pictures from my sister's wedding (which was the day before my birthday) as soon as I can get some onto my computer!  

A Heartless Hero

"There are lives at stake, Sherlock. Actual human lives. Just so I know, do you care about that at all?"

"Will caring about them help save them?"

"Nope"

"Then I'll continue to not make that mistake"

...

"Don't make people into heroes, John. Heroes don't exist, and if they did, I wouldn't be one."

~ Sherlock and John, The Great Game

When I watched this episode and heard those lines, I paused netflix. I looked at my mom, and I said something like, "That was the best line of ever!" I like it for what it reveals about Sherlock. To the world, even to the person closest to him, he shows the face of the heartless brilliant detective. To him, crimes, murders are nothing more than cures for boredom. People have even said so to him. People call him a freak, a psychopath, even John calls him heartless. 

But his response to John's question reveals something about him that no one else ever sees. The softer side; the side that cares without caring. He cares enough about them to help them, but he knows that to be efficient in solving the mystery, he cannot care about them. He is a paradox. He doesn't care because he cares. He acts like he doesn't care so that he may work more efficiently. He does one of the hardest things a man can do: He does not allow himself to care. And no one sees it. At best, others assume he is apathetic. At worst, they see him as a freak who takes other people's misfortunes and uses them to entertain himself. He rejoices in a murder committed and is discontent when there is no crime to solve. And so people call him heartless. 

He tells John that heroes do not exist. And he says that if they did, he would not be one of them. He admittedly doesn't care for people so that he may help them, and so he says he would not be a hero.

But Sherlock is a hero. A heartless hero.

So, obviously, I've started watching Sherlock. But just so everyone knows, I have not seen past the end of season one! So no spoilers please!! (Although I AM dying to know what happens!)

Until I know whether or not anyone dies, 

Robin   

More Poetry

This is what happens when I go to math class in the evening with a lack of sleep.

Math Class

Numbers and letters swirl,

Across the board they spread. 

Teacher speaks words I cannot comprehend.

My head dips, my paper moves.

I can't think, 

A great fog covers my head.

And my mortal form demands sustenance.

My mouth opens wide in a yawn.

A spaceship, a sword and a coffee

Pop in amidst the numbers.

Click my phone, find the time,

Another 45 minutes to go.

I wish I had my calculator,

I love my teacher's markers.

Only four minutes have gone by, 

Which rhymes with five.

Peas and pods and variables

None have anything to do with me.

I have the TARDIS on my phone!

It's 5:08, time is running slow.

Late to bed, early to rise, 

Definitely does not not make a man wise.

Papers, words and grammar all in one night.

Sleep? It's overrated.

So. More poetry. I was thinking I might dedicate one day to poetry and write a poem once a week. Because, surprisingly, I'm finding myself enjoying this. Good idea? Bad idea? Let me know what you think!

Until I've had sleep, 

Robin

Stick Girl

Once upon a time, there was a little girl.

Stick Girl was a happy child. She liked to play pretend; she would pretend almost anything. 

She imagined herself as a pioneer on the Oregon Trail, a sailor on a ship, 

an Elf in Middle Earth at the time of the War of the Ring, a Jedi apprentice who seemed a magnet for trouble.

She imagined herself as an orphan in an orphanage, part of poor British family in London, or an inhabitant

of CandyLand.

When she wasn't pretending, she was writing stories or reading stories. 

But no matter how many different lives she led, she knew who she was; she never wondered who she was.

She was sure.

But at last, the inevitable happened.

Something Stick Girl had always dreaded.

She began to grow up.

It was subtle at first.

She almost didn't notice.

But when she did, she railed against her fate, but she could not change it.

Until one day, when she realized; the change had come whether she wanted it or not.

Now she looks more like this:

And she is no longer sure.

She leads less lives than she did, yet struggles now to find her place.

She asks, "Who IS Stick Girl?"

Something she used to be sure of.

She still writes stories, and she still reads them, but much else has changed.

It's been years since she last pretended she was a Jedi, or any other of those things.

School, work and sports have taken up much of the time she to spend playing.

Instead of playing pretend with her friends, now she simply sits talks.

Most of the time she is still happy.

But other times, she wonders.

"What happened?" She wonders.

She cares for things now she never did before: Her hair; her clothes.

She struggles to find herself, despite that now she lives only one life instead of many as she did before.

Sometimes she wishes for the old days back.

The times when everything was simpler.

A time when she could be whoever she wanted and still be herself.

She wonders when everything changed.

And she wonders why.

It's a Monday

Today at school I got bored. And so I did the same thing I always do when I get bored: Pick up a pen. Only today, I did something a little different. I wrote a poem. Or tried to. You see, I'm not all that good at poetry, and I don't know that this even counts as poetry, since it doesn't follow much of a pattern, and doesn't really rhyme. But it came straight from my head of it's own accord, and was inspired in half from a character in a book. (If you name the book and character, I will send you chocolate through my computer screen) Anyways, here it is!

Screams

He weeps,

He holds death

In his hands.

They haunt him.

Screams, screams.

The voices of many,

Voices of the Lost Ones

The lonely assassin.

They haunt him.

Screams, screams.

He closes his eyes.

Still he sees them;

He cannot hide. 

They haunt him.

Screams, screams.

He sees their faces,

Blood drips down,

It proclaims his guilt.

They haunt him.

Screams, screams.

Sharp blade of steel,

Instrument  of death.

He holds in his hand.

They haunt him.

Screams, screams.

He wonders, "Why?"

Bloody footprints 

Trail behind.

They haunt him.

Screams, screams.

They hurt him. 

His soul twisted

In agony cries.

They haunt him.

Screams, screams.

And there you have it. I promise I'm not like suicidal or anything. It's just easier to write sad stuff than happy stuff. But I am not depresses; I swear! That's all for now, so have a lovely Monday, everyone! Except it's a Monday, which makes that statement a complete contradiction, but whatever. =)

Until I can think again, 

Robin

A Tribute to a Wonderful Villain

Warning: This post contains minor spoilers for Avatar the Last Airbender. If you have not seen the whole series, read at your own risk!!!


That sounds bad. I'm not an evil psychopath or something, I promise. Even though I'm writing a tribute to a villain. And who is this best of evil terrors? She is filled with a cool hatred, a calm, calculated wrath. She cares nothing for life; killing with impunity.

Azula. She is one of the best written villains I've ever seen. As a part of the audience, she terrifies and horrifies me. As a writer, I find her wonderful. She does everything a good villain does. Her calm disregard for life and ability to do whatever she needs to get what she wants is more frightening than Zuko's burning anger. Zuko is made less frightening simply by virtue of the fact that he does everything he does for a reason. He is driven to his actions by his anger and passion; his desire to regain the honor he feels he's lost. He is a villain I can sympathize with. Azula on the other hand does everything she does because she can. Or you could say because she wants power. She didn't lose something she feels she needs to regain, she's not trying to prove herself or anything like that. She simply wants power. Power to command others. The way she's written shows her consuming desire and her seemingly unflappable nature. Normally being unflappable is considered a good trait, but around Azula it just leads to more deaths. She does not care how many people die in order for her to get what she wants. She enjoys it when people cringe and cower before her. She loves the idea that she has power over others. Her friends are her friends only because they fear her. And she likes it that way. *SPOILERS*  But in the end her quest for power drives her to madness.

She begins to suspect everyone around her of coveting her power. She begins to fear. She sends everyone away in order to save her power, but she only hastens on her own demise. She allows herself to lose her cool logic in an attempt to protect her power from others. She believes herself invincible and yet sees enemies in every shadow of the fire.

She allows her thirst for power to destroy her and in the end is beaten by Zuko and Katara. The woman who starts out as one of the most frightening villains I've ever seen to an insane, pitiable creature. She allows thirst for power to not only corrupt her but to destroy her. She was written well; terrifying, horrifying, and in the end, pitiable.

Do Nothing

In my Sunday school class we've been going through Philippians. Sunday, we got to the verse, "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind, regard one another as more important than yourselves" We only got through the first part; 'Do nothing from emptiness or empty conceit". Whenever someone mentioned this verse, it would sort of just slide through my mind as something that I should do, and if you ever asked me what it meant, I would just say, "Well it means that we're supposed to be unselfish." It's a verse I've heard a million times throughout my life. Whenever I argued with my sister, my mom would quote this verse to me. It fits nicely into almost any situation, and so it's kind of like John 3:16; we just sort of glaze over it, or simply think, "Oh, yes! I want to be unselfish like that!" Or at least that's how I feel. But there's so much more there than we realize, as I learned yesterday.

Nothing. It's a fairly simple word. It means, well, it means nothing. It means nothing, not even one. But when you put that second part back into the verse, it becomes, "Do nothing not even one, from selfishness or empty conceit." We can't do even one thing for selfish motives. Not a single one. Not even when the thing itself is a good thing. Like when we, as girls, want to dress nicely. There's nothing wrong with wanting to look cute, but a lot of times we do it so that people will notice, or in the hopes that some one will complement our outfit. Which is done from selfishness. Or on Sunday mornings, when I search frantically for my favorite sharpie pen while the rest of my family wants to get out the door and to church on time. There's nothing wrong with me wanting to use a certain pen, but it's selfish of me to continue searching for it when my family is ready to go, and my Dad is starting to get stressed. Selfishness permeates so many of the things we do every single day. I realized that so many of my actions are done for selfish reasons, and I don't even realize it because the things themselves aren't wrong. 

Empty conceit. Pretty much the same thing. We do things so that it will make us look good and feel good. We take pictures of our drawings and paintings and such and post them on facebook, along with the photos we take, and we always get super excited when we get so many lies, or when people comment on our posts. Not that it's bad when some one likes your work, or that facebook is bad; (I have one, so I can't very well say it's evil)! But when we post these things, are we really doing it just for fun, or are we doing to try and get people to praise us and say we're so beautiful, or so talented, or whatever it is? So many times we do stuff out of "empty conceit" with out knowing it. After this lesson, I started imagining out a conversation in my head, something I do often, for no real reason. We were going to a friends' house that afternoon, and I imagined what I would say if my friend's parents asked me how Sunday school was. And I imagined myself replying, "It was really good, very convicting, but good" with a little laugh at the end. And I as I thought this out, I realized I'd just broken all my good resolutions about not being selfish and full of empty conceit that I'd made after Sunday school. Even if I didn't specifically acknowledge it to myself, my purpose in answering that way  would have been to make myself look good. There wasn't anything wrong with that answer, it was a good lesson, and I did feel convicted by it, but I was responding out of selfishness and empty conceit. If this conversation had taken place, (it didn't) I would have answered honestly, but I hope, after that thought, I would have done it with purer motives.

Basically, all that to say, I realized how completely, despicably selfish I am. Without even realizing it have the time. With out Christ, every single action, word and thought of every single day are motivated by selfishness. And that makes the fact that Christ would condescend to save me even more mind blowing. But the task He has set before  us, to "do nothing out of selfishness or empty conceit" is a daunting one. And while He's promised to help us through it, we'll never be able to achieve it completely, but our inability will help us keep in mind the joy of the knowledge of ultimate salvation.

Love,
Robin

And So It Starts (Again)

School started this week. No more sleeping till eleven and wandering around the house watching movies and reading books for me. Be that as it may, I was kind of looking forward to the start of school. I like school (most of the time) because its interesting (usually) and with the exception of math. So. Monday. That day dreaded by all the inhabitants of this planet Earth. That day that drags us all out of bed after the delightful sleep and relaxation of the weekend. I had an absolutely undeniably horrid interesting Monday.
First I woke up 15 minutes before I had to leave, but I somehow managed to get out the door almost on time. But I am geographically challenged. I'm going to a different college campus this semester, and I got lost on the way there. In the end, my friend's mom actually drove to the parking lot where I stopped and had me follow her to the school. So I was 20 minutes late for my first class. 'Well at least it can't get any worse'  Never say that. Stuff always gets worse when you say that! I read my schedule wrong after my first class, and went to what I thought was my second one, and realized 10 minutes into it that it was the wrong class and arrived 10 minutes late to the right one. So I had to walk in front of the whole class collecting all these papers from the teacher. And one the way home I almost, almost got lost again. So by the time I was on the way home I was ready to be home lay on the couch and say "No one talk to me" But when I walked up the stairs I just started laughing. It is kind of funny in hindsight.

So that was my Monday? How was yours?

Oh, also, this is a random thought that's been floating around in my head for awhile. For those of you who have read or watched (or both) The Lord of the Rings, what do you think would have happened if Denethor had met Aragorn?

That Feeling

I stand carefully outside the white line; waiting. Head up, shoulders back, hands turned palms neatly behind me. I force myself to breath, trying to sooth the crowd of butterflies flapping desperately in my stomach. I run through everything in my head, all the things I must remember. Then I hear my name called. I look up at the speaker, who sits with one hand raised, lift my chin, and raise my arms above my head. I walk out onto the floor, kneel down arms in front, crossed at the wrists. I take one more deep breath. For a moment I am very conscious of the silence all around me, the silence that permeates even the voices calling out encouragement. Then the music starts. i am in a world all my own. I dance into the corner, take a step back, breath, and go. A few seconds later I am on my feet again, and I realize that I did it. I cannot stop the grin that spreads over my face. That feeling that comes only with the knowledge that weeks of hard practice payed off. I dance again, and I don't have to concentrate as hard, but then I once more find myself in the corner, taking a deep breath as the heavy feeling of concentration settles over me. I run. I move my legs as fast as I can for a few short seconds, then the world spins and I am once more on my feet. Again I feel the pleasure of not falling; saving the landing. The rest will be easy now.

Now I stand head up, shoulders back, waiting again. I shift me feet uncomfortably on the blue plastic mat, trying to keep them from sweating to much. I want for that hand to raise up, my signal to start. "Why is she taking so long?" I wonder, as that familiar nervousness settles over my stomach once more. But then her hand goes up and I begin. The first skill is hardest. I am upside down on my hands. Then one foot lands. Then the other. My toes grip the beam as though my very life depended on it. But I don't fall. And that feeling of relief, pleasure, pride in completing that which is difficult for me, it all bubbles up in my heart as I relish the feel of my feet sturdily thudding down on the beam, the satisfaction of my toes holding me in place as I stand. That indescribable feeling.

Hey guys! What do you think of the new design? Thanks to Natalie from I Dream in French for doing it for me! She's wonderful. :)  This post was inspired by my first gymnastics competition of the season, which was this Saturday. Other than that though, nothing happened, and I don't go back to school for another week.

So, until I get a perfect 10, 

Robin  

Happy New Year

2012 is gone, 2013 has come. When I was younger, I heard I car commercial mentioning something like "No down payments till 2013!!" And I remember thinking to myself, "Well then it's basically free, because we'll all be dead by then!" I find that very humorous at the moment. Time flies.

This past year was crazy (but good) one. Everything seemed to change for me. I got my liscence, I started my senior year, I started taking college classes, my sister got engaged. The Hobbit came out. So many good things happened, but at the same time I felt like I was living in a whirlwind. A whirlwind where I struggled spiritually and struggled to grasp the fact that so many things were changing and ending for me.

Despite that, it's been a wonderful year, and I'm so thankful for the friends and family who made it that way. Now to find out what 2013 has in store for me!